Here’s your Malaysian Airlines flight 370 update: Malaysian police say they’ve cleared all 227 passengers of any possible involvement in the plane’s disappearance: no hijacking, sabotage, or psychological problems.



The director of the Secret Service was in the hot seat yesterday. Julia Pierson was summoned to Capitol Hill after three Secret Service agents were sent home from the Netherlands recently. They were part of President Obama’s advance detail, but they got super drunk and one was found passed out in a hotel hallway. Director Pierson said the Secret Service members were humans who made mistakes.


Chile was hit with an 8.2 magnitude earthquake last night. It hit off the northern coast and could be felt as far as 300 miles away. Right now the death toll is five people: four men and one woman. Geologists say an even larger earthquake is on its way, but no word when it’ll hit. It could hit today, or decades from now.


A California man won the $425 million Powerball on April Fool’s Day. B. Raymond Buxton actually won on February 19th but turned his ticket in yesterday. He took the cash lump sum so he’ll get $242.2 million, before taxes. The retiree showed up to the lottery headquarters wearing a Yoda t-shirt; he says he’s going to take some of the money to start a charity for pediatric health, child hunger, and education.


And a Texas woman has spent $25,000 to have plastic surgery so she’ll look like Jennifer Lawrence. 30-year-old Kitty had liposuction on her face and body, breast augmentation, fat grafts to her cheeks and butt, and a nose job. You can see what Kitty looks like now at



And an Indiana college student broke into a massage therapy building by boring a hole through the wall. He then ransacked the building with a fire extinguisher, heated up a bunch of Hot Pockets and mac and cheese, and then passed out. He didn’t hear the fire alarm go off when the Hot Pocket overheated in the oven. The 19-year-old Notre Dame student was found passed out on a table and was still drunk when he woke up.