Second episode of the season and the producers have delivered between Crazy Corinne and the one night stand from hell Liz. So let’s begin shall we?
We open with our lord and savior Chris Harrison, explaining to the girls how not all of them are going to be dating their communal boyfriend this week, and then we are off to the first group date of the season!
We have a wedding photo shoot. Somehow three convertibles magically arrive in the driveway of the mansion, and somehow (#BachelorInterns?) the girls know how to get to where they are going!
The first group date is a bridal photoshoot with Franco, some photographer I’ve never heard of who is wearing a very colorful romper (and very short) romper. Sadly enough, this is only the second worst romper of the episode (@Liz). The girls are all assigned wedding themes- you know like traditional, princess, Vegas, shotgun, 80s, Adam and Eve, and…mermaid? Just your standard Pinterest stuff. A few girls are stuck being bridesmaids, but Lacey is up to the challenge and says maybe she will be the bridesmaid that steals the groom. Cue all Lacey’s friends taking her out of their mental bridesmaid lineup. The winner of the photoshoot will be whoever has the most chemistry with Nick and will get a “special prize”.
Brittany as “Eve” only gets a little leafy bottom, no top. Corinne is mad that Brittany is more naked than her so she decides to take her top off. In her mind, this counts for bonus points because Brittany was assigned to be naked but Corinne actually DECIDED to be naked. Her dad would be so proud. No, really, she thinks that he would.
“Corinne, honey, you took your top off and Raquel didn’t even have to untie it for you!”
Corinne tells Nick to Janet Jackson her and since this is Trump’s America now, he doesn’t think twice. The other girls blush and feel uncomfortable. Hailey, who on night one told everyone she wasn’t wearing underwear, said her family would be ashamed of her if she did that. Corinne thanks the photographer for capturing “her special moment” and their prize is more cheesy photos in front of the mansion.
Back at the Bachelor Mansion, we see the girls doing what else, talking about Nick, on the couch. Someone mentions how Corinne was the first to kiss Nick the night before and of course Liz is all: “Corinne may have kissed him last night but I slept with him 9 months ago”
During the night portion of the group date, Corinne guzzles champagne with a fervor that can only be matched by the thirst of someone who has been stranded in the desert for three weeks. She begins by coyly stealing Nick from whatever girl he was with, struggles to form sentences and then just lunges at his face. Unfortunately, this sloppy make-out session is interrupted by Taylor, who decides to pull a Corinne on Corinne.
“If you take a direct hit at Corinne, I don’t like things like that”-Corinne on Taylor interrupting her conversation with Nick, after she had just done the same thing to her and to Alexis. Also Corinne confirming her level of crazy by referring to herself in the third person.
She lets Taylor have Nick for about thirty-six seconds, and then not so coyly walks up and says “I’m interrupting you”. Nick agrees to this- not so surprisingly he chooses drunk make-outs with slurry Corinne over Taylor giving him a mental health evaluation on vulnerability. It looks like Taylor and Corinne might have the first #GirlFight of the season, but thankfully they are both OK. Are you OK? Because I’m ok. I hope you’re ok.
None of the girls are feeling Corinne, and are disappointed in Nick for giving her the boob group rose. Corinne then launches into a full blown Bachelor cliché speech. “This is going to get weird. It’s going to be really hard. But we’re all here for the same reason” That reason of course being to gain enough Instagram followers to make a living off of selling hair pills.
“If Nick is going for the girl who leads with her sexuality, no wonder he is doing this for the fourth time.” – An excerpt from The Bible of Raven.
Another day, another date. Nick and Danielle M. go on a very romantic one on one, which makes me think The Bachelor has its budget back! They take a chopper to a yacht and then a romantic dinner. Nick seems more excited to make up fake traffic reports on the helicopter than he does to discuss Danielle’s dark past at the dinner. Danielle revealed that she was the one to find her fiancé dead from an overdose. Nick empathizes with her trauma by explaining how he was dumped twice on national television.
Nick gives Danielle M. a rose and they ride an abandoned ferris wheel. He accurately says this has been the easiest rose to give out yet, probably because producers forced him to give the group date one to Corinne.
Meanwhile, back at the house, Liz decides to tell her close friend that she can trust of two days, Christen, about her sordid past with Nick.
“You watch the show? You Know Jade? I was her maid of honor and we met at her wedding and slept together”-Liz tells her and then proceeds to say it like 599 times.
The next date is another grouper! This time Nick and the ladies head to the Museum of Breakups, where Nick has donated something from his past relationship. What did he donate? The engagement ring he was going to propose to Kaitlyn with. A reminder that this double halo windowpane ring is probably why Kaitlyn went with Shawn. Does Neil Lane know one of his monstrosities is there? Even he didn’t want to take this thing back and use it for parts.
But that’s not all! While in the first group date the girls got to pretend marry Nick, now the girls get to pretend dump Nick!
At first the girls “break ups” with Nick are funny and cute. Josephine slaps him, which had been teased as something far more dramatic. Christen says something about how she spent thirty minutes doing her hair for him and all I can think is, and that’s the best style you came up with? Then Liz (who has been walking around this “museum” all day moping and crying) is up.
Oh Liz. She talks about how she met him at a wedding, and how he didn’t “fight for her.” She actually reads this from a small journal which begs the question- how long ago did you write this, Liz?? And why do you travel with a journal?
The other girls, except for Christen all seem very confused at how vulnerable she is being. Jami says, “Wow she really committed to her storyline.”
Later, Nick starts to freak out. Has Liz told the other girls? Do they suspect something? Why is Liz even here?
This is so big that we ignore the fact that Jaimi’s ex is a woman
Nick finally confronts Liz.
Nick: I feel like you are here to be on tv.
Liz: No! I just am bad on the phone, so I didn’t want a relationship before ~smiles at camera~
Nick dumps her and she probably moves back in with Jade and Tanner. Or at least goes to whatever store she bought that romper from to return it.
Nick does decide though that he needs to tell the other girls the truth about his past relationship with Liz, even though she’s going home and we will see how they handle this next week. I think Corinne will take this well.
TO BE CONTINUED.......